50 | What to do if you’re called out for being self-promotional

Episode #50!!! How cool and exciting is that?!?

And how perfect... because the topic of the episode is all about being self-promotional 🙂

So kick back and enjoy a recording of a post-workshop training about what to do if you're called out for being self-promotional.

xo

Liz

PS do you want a group to work through your self-promotion? 🙂 Come check out my Mastermind!

Well, hello there. And I can't even believe it. This is episode 50. Uh, when I started this a year ago, I didn't even know if we'd make it to 50. This is so fun. So I'm definitely going to celebrate the milestones, including this one. Now what is extra awesome or hilarious, depending how you look at it is that the topic of episode 50 is what to do if you're called out for being too self-promotional.

Not a word of a lie. This was pure happenstance or perhaps the universe speaking out. I just thought that was such a perfect combination for this to be episode number 50. Okay. So, first of all, if you are catching this episode and you haven't listened to episode 49, Hit pause, go listen to episode 49 first and then come back to this one because I did set it up as a two-parter because episode 49 is a recording of a workshop that I gave.

And after that workshop, I had an experience of being called out for being too self promotional. And so I recorded a follow-up to the workshop. About what to do if that happens. And so this episode. Is that follow-up recording. So it, it makes a lot more sense if you've listened to number 49 first. Now fair enough. If you're, if you're just going to keep going, maybe you're not in a position to hit pause, you will still get a lot out of this episode, but just know I might make little references here and there.

I will make references here and there. That might not make sense because you haven't, if you haven't listened to number 49 yet. So with that I'm not going to keep you any further especially since i know heads up if you haven't listened to 49 is a little bit longer i know that was a bit of a longer one so to keep this short we're just going to dive right into it so this again like i said this is a recording that i did after giving that other workshop and it's all about what to do if you find yourself actively being called out for being too self promotional.

Well, Hey there, I'm Liz St. Jean, and this is the RISE in Your Nine to Five podcast, where I help sensitive high performers who want to have meaningful and fulfilling careers, making an impact in the world. It's where strategy meets intuition to become a better leader with more joy, less stress and endless impact.

So let's break free from perfectionism, imposter thoughts, and that inner rule keeper that keeps you in a career comfort zone. It's time to become unapologetically you. And step into the life you were meant to live. We're going to talk presence, productivity, and having it all. Or as my four-year-old would say, we're going to take over the world.

Hello. Hello there. Alright. I'm doing a very quick post-workshop training, kind of an advanced training or an impromptu uh, training because if you saw my post or if you read my email, you'll have seen that I was recently called out for being too self promot. Too self promotional. Yeah, and I just thought it was so fascinating and such a wonderful opportunity because I know from what people were telling me before the workshop, email a little bit during and definitely afterwards that the fear being called out and the thought of what other people will think of us if we're too promotional that's a fear that like strikes to the heart of a lot of people who signed up for this workshop. So I thought it'd be really interesting for us to kind of deconstruct what happened for me because I'm not immune to this either Y'all like I'm as much a member of this kind of community, this like, , if you're in my community, you probably, you want to make impact.

You're very aware of the impact you have on others. You're very aware of how you come across. I am that way too. I've had to do a lot of work over the years. I've done a lot of self-work on this, and I just thought it'd be really interesting for you to see how, how I processed it, especially through the.

The lens of the energy levels. So like I said, this is a bit advanced. If you have not, if you, if you have no idea what I'm talking about when I say energy levels, go back, and then come back to this training. Cause I want you to have the foundation, I assume you have the foundation of the seven energy levels.

Hey, so let's jump into it. First things first, why is it trigger? Why is it triggering to be called out and especially about being self promotional? So it really has to do with, um, essentially how our brains function and how the human brain works and how it develops. We have a part of our brain, you've probably heard this term before, if you're, if you're, if you follow these kinds of, uh, personal development, self professional development, um, books, articles, courses, It's, we call, often call it the lizard brain.

The, the, it's like the instinctive part of our brain and that part of our brain developed to keep us safe to, to keep us safe. That part of our brain, we basically don't have control over essentially because it's reactive, it's instinctual. That's why like the lizard brain, because it's, it just, it's just reacts.

It's, it's not, um, it's, it's not executive functioning like the other part of our brain, which is referred to as the executive part of our. So the lizard brain's job is to keep us safe and how we've evolved, how humans have evolved. Part of our safety, and this is both, um, like how we've evolved, but also so socially we are social animals.

We have evolved to protect ourselves by being part of a group, to be part of a group. So when you, when your brain, your lizard part, not like the rational part, just the lizard part. Perceives a threat to group status. It treats it like an existential threat. It literally thinks that you might die. So that's why, and, and I had this, I'll be, I'll be honest, like if you've ever, if someone has ever called you out directly, like, so this was direct, like they called me out directly using the words self promotional.

It was. It was like also kind of perfect. I'm gonna come back to this in a second. It was kind of perfect, right? The timing of it. It happened the day after the first workshop on this. When that happens, that part of your brain takes over in the, in the incident takes over and it shows up differently for everyone.

I'll tell you, I'll sh um, explain what happened for me and maybe something like that. Maybe you've experienced that before or you might experience it differently, but your brain goes into that fight. Flight freeze mode kind of picks into one of them because it goes instinctive. So for me, when I read it, the physical reaction that I had was almost like, um, almost like cold water down my body.

Like almost like this tingle, like not, not necessarily a good tingle e even though side note. It's really interesting, the physical sensation of that, of fear, of, of stress, um, uh, more so on the fear side is actually the same kind of physical feeling as excitement. It's just that we're processing it differently.

So in this case, I was definitely processing it as fear, not. On purpose again, but just instinctively so that rush through my body, you know, I had a bit of a hot flush to my face. I, I really felt that hot flush and almost immediately my brain went to, what did I do wrong? How can I fix this? Oh my God, I'm, I'm in trouble.

The, kinda like the, I'm in trouble. I'm getting sent to the principal's office kind of feeling or kind of those, that's the thoughts that came in. That was triggered by this event. All of that happened in half a second, maybe a couple of seconds. That was just pure instinct. That's what went through my body.

And um, so like I said, everyone experiences it and process it slightly differently. That's how I did it. this is where the, the value of the energy levels, this is why I use the energy levels for all the coaching I do. It's such a useful and quick framework. I immediately went to the energy levels in my mind and very quickly then I kind of went back and I was doing other things, and I went back to the energy levels and I was processing this.

So over the course of. At least the first 20 minutes. But even after that, like it kind of stretched out further after that. But I went through this process of like, okay, what am I feeling? Where? What energy level is it? Which energy level do I want to feel? Which energy level am I feeling? Which one do I want to feel and what would it even look like to feel a certain energy levels?

And I started cycling through them in my mind, and if you remember from the training, there's no good or bad energy level. So I wasn't trying to avoid one or two or even three excuse. What I was doing was processing them. Especially that level one. So that initial reaction, that's that level one energy level.

It, we called it victim level on the workshop, but it's that, um, you know, you're kind of cowering. You're worried, you're afraid of what might happen. Definitely had that, but instead of trying to kind of push away from it, I leaned into it and I explored it and I thought, okay, how is this feeling? What is, what am I making this mean?

What's causing me to feel this way? Why am I having this level one reaction to it? And then I started cycling through and I was kind of, I was watching myself and experiencing it at the same time. Okay. Level two energy was much more of. Um, a feisty energy. And this is, it's also when you're in love energy level two.

You might wanna like take a breath, take a pause before you do anything, before you respond, before you write an email, before you say anything, work through it. Work through it. And then decide, because maybe that is the energy level that's going to serve you. But then come back to it. Don't do it in the moment.

Cuz I definitely had level two. I was like gonna pick up my phone. , like really react. Um, can you hear it in my voice? You see my body? Just like how quick we kind of like have that fiery energy when we are, when we're experiencing it. But again, I didn't try to hide from it. I just didn't let myself act on it.

I watched myself, I watched my body, I watched my thoughts, I watched the, the emotions, again, it body, but it's also, um, whatever, whatever you prefer to call it, like the part, the soul I suppose. But like all of that energy together, what it was like at level two. Okay. I did not act on level two, level three, manager energy.

That energy level, it's a kind of, it's a, it kind of, it's a trickster, it's a trickster energy level because sometimes, and, and I had these thoughts in this, um, this way of it showing up as well as I thought. You know what e everything will be okay. I can manage this. I can, I'll go and re-edit my comment and that'll be good.

And I'll, I'll show that I wasn't being self promotional or I could message the person and I can explain myself. I can, I can make this right. I can fix it. I can do it, right. That's what would a level three energy level would come from, kind of like a fixing. But then I really left myself and I really made sure that I explored the either energy levels, energy level four, much more compassionate, loving, and coming from the place of like, oh, that's so interesting and I can feel love for this person.

And what, and curiosity. Even a bit of curiosity like, oh, I wonder what happened, that this is their reaction. They're having this reaction to my comment because what's so interesting, and you don't even need to know the, all the details of the comment, but when I made the comment, when I looked at it, I can see it from their perspective, from that person's perspective about me being too self promotional and why they would call me out on it.

I can see it from their perspective. That's not where I was coming from. You know, I was, I was actually messaging with a friend, which as an aside, being able to process with someone else, this is why I have a group. This is why the society is a group. Having that place to process it safely and go through those energy levels was really helpful.

So I was texting back and forth with one of my, one of my best friends and the, the level four, what was I going to say with that? Um, the, having that compassion for the other person, it's just so valuable. I just see it from their perspective. Oh, I remember I was gonna say, cause I was telling, I was messaging with her.

and I was saying that I wasn't, I, I can see it from their perspective, like my interpret, my interpretation of their comment was that they were calling me out for being manipulative, less self promotional. But they saw me as being manipulative and, and I can see why they thought it that way, even though I wasn't trying to show up as a, like Mr.

Burns self, a manipulative, self-promotional, that's not how I was showing up. , but it's how this person perceived me in that situation. So that's another piece about the energy levels for us to re recall, to remember, and to think about. We show up in certain ways and we have these, but they're not always necessarily perceived the way that we intend it.

So it's really important to, to bear that in mind, both for ourselves, but also when we're interacting with and observing others. Hey, ABI level four, level five will be much more of a win-win and collaborative or just the willingness to walk away from it. Um, but one I really landed on was more, well, it's kind of a five, six mix to be honest.

A level six is more connection and intuition. And what I landed on was doing this because I thought, wow, this is such a f such amazing timing that I'm doing a workshop and talking to, talking to you all. About self-promotion and one of the fears is that we call get called out for self-promotion and I was called out for being self-promotional.

So I just thought like, and that particular thought is very easy for me. I'll be totally honest to slip into that from a level three. Um, Not quite manipulative. Like I said, I don't mean to be manipulative, but level three can be manipulative. You're trying to do it for yourself, but this is where the work comes in.

This is where like you do the practicing of showing up at the energy level, and I just realized it, I don't know if you can see like just a smile on my face. The idea of like, wow, what an amazing opportunity to connect and to share and for you all to see that these are perfectly natural and human experiences for us to have.

To go through and to, and to be concerned and to be aware of the impact we have. That's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing at all to be aware of the impact we're having. What I want for you though, is to then, um, is to be able to take control because too often we'll have that experience we'll and we'll have kinda like that kind of feeling, and then we'll act from level one.

Or maybe level two comment, reaction, or even level three, instead of consciously choosing. Either a higher energy level or even consciously choosing one of the other energy levels. So what I want for you, what I encourage for you is to really practice processing these energy levels, processing your emotions, your thoughts, and choosing how to show up.

Choosing whether to show up at a higher energy level. Because here's the thing, so I did my, my graduate research was literally about gossip. I did it, I did my research on the intersection between gossip and cross-functional teams, and it was just absolutely fascinating. We can have a side conversation about that, but the thing is, People do, judge , people do gossip, right?

I'm not one of those coaches that's gonna tell you that they don't because they do. We know they do. And um, I'm gonna go into my whole thesis about this, like separately, but there isn't, there's a reason for it. It goes back to that, uh, belonging piece, that social piece. We wanna be part of a group. And so with the gossip helps us understand and keep the group regulated, make sure people are following their rules and doing the right thing.

So we. people do gossip and we do, um, we are impacted when we either hear, like directly if they tell us that they're calling us out or even if we worry that they're calling us out. But here's your choice, and here's the thing I would put towards you is that. Let's imagine. So thinking about self-promotion and advocating for yourself, let's imagine that you were in a room with a hundred people,

I know my introverts, I'm so sorry to make you think about this, but just play. Just play with it for a second. Imagine you're in a room with a hundred people and you're going to self-promote. Now imagine 50%. 50 50 of those people react badly. . Either they call you out directly, like I had. Oh, doesn't feel good.

Not, not gonna tell you. It's gonna feel good either they, they do that or they, or they give the look kind of like, look like that. Or they look in the up and down, I don't know what kind of, whatever kind of look. Um, and they're whispering or whatever. They don't react well or they're just not, not even paying attention.

They're just not even paying attention. That's 50% of the room. But the other 50%. The other 50% you connect with, you build connections, you find new opportunities, you collaborate, right? Because they heard your ideas, they heard you put yourself forward. Imagine So the challenge is that too often we make our choices based on the 50% of the room that don't appreciate what we put out there and we're not making choices based on the 50% of the room that do appreciate it, appreciate it, that do wanna collaborate, that do love that you're putting yourself out.

Okay, so I don't want to, you know, we don't need to pretend that the other 50% doesn't exist and like, pretend that oh, everyone's, you know, always happy and I'll never, you know, people will never not like that. I promote. Okay. I mean, I don't know that it'll happen. I mean, you, you might have an experience, you know, going with self-promotion where you don't have any of those sort of more negative catabolic experiences.

But I also don't want you to kind of, um, make choices. Based on fear, especially based on fears around that side of the room. I want you to instead shift your focus. I want you just to, it's like shining the flashlight and don't shine the flashlight over there. Shine the flashlight on the people and imagine it.

Think of the people you're connecting with. That's what I did here, right? I could have spent like the rest of the day, I mean, it's been a couple of hours now in the maybe four hours since I was called out. I spent those four hours in mind drama about that person, about that, Fred, about that group and what it, what it means, and what I should do, and maybe messaging and posting comment and going back and forth.

I could have, I did not. I spent part of it, processing part of it, chatting with my friend, getting it out. Can I go processing it that way? And then I came up here, up to my room to record this so I could connect with you all. And it's totally like a, you know, this person, you know, I wish, I wish them the best.

And they're, you know, um, the other phrase that I got from one of my coaches once it, and I love is, you know, well, what's 2% true? And so what I look at their comment, I'm like, well, you know, they're not totally wrong from their perspective. I was gonna, I was self promoted, but, but I know they're also coming at it from their own life experience, their own perspective.

And I can love them for that. And it's okay. I can just, I can also walk away from it. I don't have to walk away with anger, don't have to walk away with drama and instead come up here and connect with you all through this video. And so I don't, how many of you caught that? What I just described there was basically walking through levels 4, 5, 6, at least how I experienced that.

That's how I experienced that. So with that, I'm gonna go all self-promotional again, in a sense. Um, I would, if this is resonating with you and you want to work through this, and especially have a place where you can talk it out with people who are also working through energy levels, working through self-promotion, working through all, like essentially things that make us courageous, like take to take it takes courage to do that, to shine the flashlight on the other area.

To Tim to make a leap, to make a change. If you wanna do all that, I would love to see you in the society, in the powerful present society. Hopefully you've already had a chance to check out, uh, the website where you can enroll. Hopefully you have seen the workshop because otherwise this might not have made any sense to you what I was just talking about.

But if you wanna learn more about the program, go watch the workshop replay, and if you have any questions about it, send me a message. You can email me, just reply back to any of the emails I send out. You can message me, um, right here. You should be able to message me where you're watching this, either with a, an audio, a video, uh, or text, whichever, whatever is your preference.

And yeah, let's, let's connect and chat more about it. I would love to see you in the group and, um, even if you don't join us, so send me a message. It'd be nice to connect and let me know what your thoughts are about promoting yourself and about potentially being called out for it. You know, what really, what really stuck out for you in this.

Hey, let me know. Have a good one. Bye.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. Now, before you go, make sure you click to follow the show this way you don't have to go looking for the latest episode. I'll come to you. Just click the plus button or the follow, and you'll get the latest episode fresh off the press. Thanks again. And remember that you are amazing. Now, get out there and RISE.