38 | What they don’t tell you about impostor syndrome

Well, hey there, friends. Welcome back to the show. And as promised last week, this week, I do have some fresh new content. So thank you for those who listened last week and join me in giving ourselves grace and compassion.

This week, I'm going to be talking about a few things about what they don't tell you about imposter syndrome. And then I'm going to give you a few questions that you can ask yourself to, to help snap out of that imposter mode or imposter zone if you find yourself falling into it.

And I also want to mention that I have just fresh off the press created and released an assessment as well as a playbook on ditching imposter syndrome. So I would love for you to check that out and you can go find it at themintambition.com/ditch.

For the show today, we're going to chat about what they don't tell us about imposter syndrome, and then I'm giving you some ways to snap yourself out of it. So let's get to it!

xo
Liz

Well, Hey there, friends. Welcome back to the show. And as promised last week, this week, I do have some fresh new content. So thank you for those who listened last week and join me in giving ourselves grace and compassion.

Now this week, I'm going to be talking about a few things, but what they don't tell you about imposter syndrome. And then I'm going to give you a few questions that you can ask yourself to, to help snap out of that imposter mode or imposter zone. If you find yourself falling into it. And I also want to mention that I have just fresh off the press created and released a N assessment as well as a playbook on ditching imposter syndrome. So I would love for you to check that out and you can go find it at the mint.

ambition.com/ditch and D I T C H. That's the mint ambition.com/ditch. And it's an assessment first. So first you take an assessment because what I, what I. How I created this playbook was around what part of the career growth cycle that you're in. So I have a concept called the career growth cycle that we all go through and it's based around the four seasons. So spring, summer, autumn and winter.

And so the, the playbook you'll get will be, uh, somewhat personalized because it'll be based on which, uh, which season you're in for the growth cycle. So definitely go check that out, take the assessment. It shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes to take the assessment. And then you'll get your playbook with some extra tips and suggestions and strategies.

On how to handle the type of imposter thoughts that come up for that part of the growth cycle. Okay. So with that, let's get into the show. We're going to chat about what they don't tell us about imposter syndrome, and then I'm giving you some ways to snap yourself out of it. So let's get

Well, Hey there, I'm Liz St. Jean, and this is the unruly leadership podcast where I help subject matter experts. Like you design a career on your terms. It's where strategy meets intuition to help you break the rules, ignore the rules and make your own damn rules. So let's break free from perfectionism, imposter thoughts, and that inner rule.

Keep that's keeping you in your career comfort zone. it's time to become unapologetically you and step into the life you were meant to live. We're going to talk presence, productivity career, and having it all. Or as my four year old would say, we're going to take over the world. So let's get to it.

So this week, I am back with some fresh content. And this week I'm going to talk about what they don't tell you about imposter syndrome. And then I'm going to give you a couple of ways to, to kind of snap out of that imposter mode. If you find yourselves in it.

So to set up this episode, I want to share a story first and, and it'll make sense as we get into it, but it's actually a story. Um, about my, my kiddo and learning and him learning how to ride a bike. So he's been learning how to ride a bike and, and he's actually, he's actually been doing pretty well at it, which is, which is fun to watch. It's so cool to watch as a parent.

And then over the summer, he came up to a situation because he's still pretty young and he came to a situation where he started having more hesitations. Now in the past, he hasn't really hesitated at all. When it came to bike, riding is on really well, but in this case, he was at the top of a, of a hill and it was a, it was a gradual hill. But of course, like when you're learning how to ride a bike,

It's a, it's a hill at steep, right. It feels steep. And the bike feels out of control as he go on it. And he's looking at it and S re. Yeah. We talked through this with him and he starts getting into his mind about, well, what if I fall? What if I hit the ground? What if I scrape myself? And what about those rocks? And he's looking at it because, because there are rocks on the path.

He could fall. There are roots there from trees, so he could fall. One thing I did. I T I, there, I'm not down with him. We and talked with him. And I was explaining to him that if you think you're going to fall, he's looking and he's looking at me and I'm looking at him pointing at the right. Like if you, if you look at that path, if you think you're going to fall,

You know, you might fall because you're thinking about falling. And I looked and I said, but if you, if you believe, if you believe you can do it, if you just, if you go for it and you believe you can do it, I think that's how you're going to do it.

Right. Imagine yourself, Going down that path . And I said to him, Imagine imagine, imagine, and he looked at me, he had a smile and he said it back to me. Imagine, imagine, imagine.

And that became our rallying cry for him to go down that path. And, you know, I never told him that he would not fall. I did tell him that he needed to focus on, on imagining himself doing it and doing it successfully. And he did. And then he came back up the hill. Big smile on his face and said to me, imagine, imagine, imagine you did it over and over a whole bunch of times, which is so much

So the reason I tell you this story is because to me, it is, it is a really good analogy for when, when we are facing something that scares us in our lives or especially in our careers. And especially for anyone who's looking at taking on a new role, a new challenge, this can happen, right. We're looking at this path and we're thinking, oh my gosh, what if I

So here's the thing that I find most people don't tell you about imposter syndrome. So quote, imposter syndrome. Because. What I noticed is a lot of times the, a lot of the workload. They're not all of it, especially not recently, not all of it, but a lot of it seems to indicate that it's all in our heads. It's just in our head. You'll be just fine. You're just Imad. You're just.

Um, imagining failure. That's not there. And it, it's almost like a form of gaslighting because they're just like this path, like things can happen. Right? So in this case, with a story of, of my son, there was a path he could fall on. There are rocks, he could scrape his neon. Like he's not making that up. That could happen.

And I think for some times in our careers, there are times like we are afraid of failure. And the thing is, is that if we focus on the failure, if we focus on that fear, if we let that become everything. Then that gives a lot of power to that fear. But I also find that this is maybe it's just me personally.

Let me know, let me know, send me a message. If you, if you find this well. I personally don't find it helpful to be told that it's all just in my head. Oh, don't worry. You'll be just fine. I'm sitting. I'm like, I don't know about this. Like I've had times in my career where I'm doing something I have never done before. I have no idea what I'm doing.

And. The piece that might be made up at my head is I might start telling myself that, oh, I'm, under-qualified, I'm not ready for this and that. It made me not be helpful and that may not be true. But the piece around fearing that, you know, I might make a wrong decision or might not go well, or I might.

Um, stumble professionally or professionally. Professionally scraped my knee on a rock. Right. I, I never found that helpful to be told that that was just in my head just, and maybe that's just me personally. So if, if you do find that helpful, that, that that's wonderful as well. And maybe this episode won't be as helpful for you, but I just want to offer it out there because.

The thing about imposter syndrome. Here's the thing Yes. A lot of it happens in our head because it's thoughts, Thoughts are literally in our heads so we can control them. They're in our heads. But they're not just coming from nowhere. There is so much unconscious bias out there. There are systems of oppression, systems of patriarchy systems of colonial, uh, ways of, of thinking of acting and.

So those are out there. That's not just in our head. We. I think many people who are listening to At some kind of experience either with unconscious bias or systemic bias or another thing that I really don't think we talk about a lot. I don't, I don't see here being talked about a lot is, uh, organizational cultures and organizational fear of failure. So if you're in an organization where there is culturally, you know, subconsciously a fear of failure that is going to impact you, right?

Like no wonder, you're afraid of. Feeling, because whether it's conscious or not, you're attuned to the culture of a fear of failure. So I give you, I guess one of my messages is if you are experiencing. Imposter syndrome. It is not your fault. Hey. Let me say it again. It is not your fault. There is a lot of stuff at play happening around you. That's that's impacting it. That's causing

Even just that it's seated it like, like a little seedling it's kind of planted and seeded, so it is not your fault. Okay. Now. And that said, I also find that it's not helpful to stay in this place of, you know, it's not my fault. It's a system it's just unconscious bias. Like that is to me. It's.

Well, it's one of two things. One, if you're going to channel that into changing the system, that is wonderful. Like please. Yes, let's all do that. On the flip side, though, if we're not, if we're not taking that direct action, we're not getting involved in that kind of direct action. It's sort of less helpful to stay in a place of, oh, it's kind of like blame a kind of a place of, of blame. Like, do you know? Oh, it's all unconscious bias.

Um, it's not as helpful because there's not much we can do then unless we're going to take direct action. So I suppose what I'm trying to say is that first of all, it is not your fault. Don't let anyone, let you think that it's just in your head, only your fault, and it's There's something, you know, wrong. That's happening with your thoughts?

But that said there are things that we can do to feel more powerful and to take control of those thoughts. So for the rest of this episode, what I'm going to do is I'm going to share. Uh, three questions that we can use. We can kind of pose to ourselves in order to snap out of that imposter mode when we fall into it. And I am as guilty of this as anyone even still after working on this for so many years, I still fall into this mode. So it's an absolutely natural mode. And I find these three questions to be helpful.

Now they are, um, I'm kind of placing them at the first one is more on the beginner or starter phase. If you're just getting into this. Um, do you taking control of your thoughts taking control of your energy? You might just want to stay with this question. It's a softer question is more nurturing question. And then we have an intermediate question. If you're willing to push yourself a bit more. And then I also have an advanced question that I will share.

It's something that I've shared with my mastermind community, and it really is. For the, for when you are more comfortable kind of confronting and kind of taking control of those. Imposter thoughts but it can be a bit triggering so i will just share that in in in advance that that question can be a bit triggering.

Okay, so question one. And again, this is the, the starter question and especially as a good one. Uh, when you, when you recognize that you want to feel nurtured. And the question you want to ask yourself is. What would I tell my best friend in this situation?

What would I tell my best friend in this situation?

And, and it's a question you may have heard of before. So I wanted to raise it again and make sure that you did hear this one to ask yourself. And it's a really nurturing one and supportive one, because most of the time when we are having imposter thoughts and theaters of failure, or maybe we've made a mistake or something has happened.

We, we really become hard on ourselves in a way that we would, we would never be that hard on someone else and especially not our best friend. And, and I, it's also, it's a question that we can kind of kind of brush off. We can kind of hear it or see it and be like, oh, that's right. I wouldn't say that to my best friend. And then you kind of walk past the question, you kind of keep going and then you go back into the beating yourself up again,

And I really want you to be, be conscious of this question and really take the time to think about it and see yourself as your best friend. Right. See yourself as your best friend. What would you tell yourself if you actually were your own best friend? So really sit with it. And again, especially if you're in a place where you need that nurturing, you need that support.

You need that warmth. And here's a way that you can give it to yourself when you need it.

Then at the intermediate levels, this is the next level up. This is when you're ready to challenge yourself a little bit more. You realize that yes. Nurture you. You do, maybe you do need nurturing, but you are also ready to challenge yourself a little bit more. Is, you can ask yourself what are three other ways to look at the situation?

What are three other ways to look at this situation? And the value of this question is that it really helps you take a step back, look at the bigger picture and see the situation from different perspectives, different vantage points.

It helps you take that more global picture and then you can there's well, there's two things. One is it helps you realize there are other ways of seeing it, that that alone can be helpful, but also a little and a little bit more advanced it's like intermediate plus, is that perhaps you can adopt another perspective you can take on a different perspective. You know, one that will be more supportive or more helpful to you depending on the situation you're facing and what you're trying to accomplish. Okay. So that's the intermediate question. What are three other ways to look at this situation?

And then the third one, and this really is more advanced. So if this question is triggering for you at all, or it's not helpful, just leave it behind. You do not have to take on this question. And especially given the situation that, that starter question, that nurturing question might be a lot more applicable.

That said I do see this, especially my mastermind community, where we are willing to, to challenge ourselves to get out of that imposter mode. Okay. And so the question is, and I get it from my mentors, Jenn and Karen. It's a fantastic question. I've held onto from them from years ago that they taught me. And the question is,

What is 2% true.

What is 2% true. Okay. And so how this question works is that a lot of times when we are having those imposter thoughts and to my point earlier about how I'm a little bit tired of people saying, like it's just in our minds, it's all made up. This is a question that really helps you face the reality that might be happening.

Right. So let's take a situation where let's say, um, let's say you made a massive mistake. Okay. Because that happens. Right. And especially if you are growing and you're trying new things, and you're really developed, like you're, pushing yourself, there is a good chance you will make a mistake at some point. Like, can we not normalize that? Like, can that not be a normal thing to make mistakes? And it be okay, so let's say we made a mistake and like it's an, or at least immediate mistake, just not literally a minor mistake.

Like it is actual, like It's a significant mistake and maybe you get some corrective feedback on it. And it is very easy to slip into both imposter mode and beating ourselves up mode. And perhaps when this happens, we need that nurturing question first. Right? Well, what will we tell our friend? And perhaps it's also helpful to add the intermediate question. Okay. What are some other ways to view the situation?

But when you're ready and you can get into, especially into a neutral curiosity And you can ask yourself. Okay, what is 2% true here? Right. Let's say you got some corrective feedback and you can actually ask, okay, what is 2% true of that corrective feedback? It's It's almost a backwards way of combating that imposter syndrome. So instead of trying to just pretend it's all on our minds and it's not made up, this is like us facing head on and be like,

Something happened here. What is 2% true of it? I am. I'm strong enough. I am ready to take it on and to, to see, to challenge myself and to see. What might be 2% true about the situation? And I also love the question because it's only 2%, right. You don't want to take on all of it or even not even close to the majority.

Just 2%. What would it be 2% true of this? So if you're getting either corrective feedback or negative feedback, or you have a difficult relationship with someone. This can be a really good question to challenge yourself. And instead of you being the hero and the other person being the villain. This is a great question to challenge yourself, to see, okay, what is 2% true here? And it really is a growth question. Even, even the ability to ask yourself that question shows growth because that it is a hard question to ask yourself.

And so again, if you notice yourself, Either feeling that spike of anxiety when you hear this question or you feel like you, can you feel yourself starting to beat yourself up again? Just, just leave the question aside, come back to it later. And it is okay to stay in that more nurturing place or work through some of the things so that you can push yourself or maybe it'll be a different situation where that question is more helpful.

I give you full permission because we do not need to challenge ourselves all the time. I'm just simply offering one way that you can challenge yourself when you're in a situation where you recognize that, okay, I am ready to be challenged here, and you can ask yourself that question. What is 2% true about the situation?

So with that, I will leave you with those thoughts around what they don't tell you about imposter syndrome and those three questions you can ask yourself. Let me just repeat those again. The starter more nurturing question is what would I tell my best friend? The intermediate question is what are three other ways to look at the situation? And then the advanced question is what is 2% true here?

So those are the three questions. And again, a reminder hot off the press or fresh off the press, whatever the phrase is. I have my new ditching imposter syndrome, quiz, and playbook based around where you are in the career growth cycle. Uh, which season you're in, whether it's winter, summer, Uh, autumn or spring. I think I got them out of order there, but that's okay.

Go check it out. It's the mint ambition.com/ditch for ditching imposter syndrome. And with that, I hope you have a wonderful week. Bye-bye.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If this podcast helped you or inspired you in any way, I would love for you to leave me a review over on apple podcasts, it takes 20 seconds, if that, and it's, it's honestly the easiest way for you to thank me for this episode. Every time I see a review, it brings me so much joy and it just lights me up.

So if you could do that for me, I would be ever so grateful. Now, the other thing you can do is you can take a screenshot of this episode or even a screenshot of your review and send it to a friend or share it in a Facebook group or even post on your LinkedIn newsfeed to let other people know about this podcast and this episode.

Thanks again. And now get out there and start breaking some rules.