Today's episode is all about the surprising myths of self-advocacy and the simple mindset shifts to be able to confidently speak up for yourself.
Because in these times when we are feeling tired, we need active support networks - and this means going out and activating them.
Listen today and then take action to advocate for yourself.
Well, hello there, friends. And how you. No really? How are you? Because I'm going to be honest. I haven't been feeling tired lately. And if you're a parent as well, even though there's like some chronic fatigue that comes along with parenting. But I don't know, but anyone listening, I've just, I think there's just been a lot. I think the last three years are catching up with us and we're feeling the weight of it.
And I just saw it on LinkedIn earlier. Someone had re-posted, I think it was a post from Twitter as maybe you've seen this already, but I just, it really hit me. And it was someone who tweeted, pointing out that in the modern world, not even just the workplace, but just in sort of in life and world. And when they say modern, I believe they're speaking from the north American experience. So my north American listeners, especially I think, will resonate with
They were saying that in the modern world, we are trying to accomplish the kinds of things that we used to accomplish on our own, but without the strength of a support network behind Now a lot of us do have support networks and that is very wonderful and helpful. But a lot of times we don't really even have the kind of support networks that we used to have.
I was reading another stat. They were pointing out that in today's world. Most CEOs. Oh, I think it was the, in the 70 percentages. Can't remember off the top of my head. I was like 78% maybe of the, of male, not even CEO is actually correct myself. Executives. So in the 70 percentages of male executives have a stay at home spouse versus for female executives.
They have, I think it was 20% and the 20 percentages have a stay-at-home spouse. So whether it's a broader network such as family or someone right at home. You know, we were trying to accomplish so much and not necessarily having the, the kind of support that, that quote we used to. So I just share that just to be real with you. And just to let you know that if you are also feeling tired, it's not just you I'm, you know, I hear this across the board. I see this across the board. I'm sure you do as well. That we're a lot of us are, we're really tired right now. And there are just going to be times in our lives and careers that we are going to feel that So, I suppose mainly I'm giving you permission that it is okay to feel tired.
And in these times when we are feeling tired, if we have the support networks, it's wonderful to rely on them. And, and if not, you know, it's okay to not do and be everything all the time. And I'm actually going to give myself some grace on that, even with the today's podcast episode, because I had planned, I wanted to give you a brand new, fresh one that no one in my community had heard before. I've got some ideas brewing on things I want to share with you.
And, and y'all, I'm just, I'm feeling tired. So I'm going to give myself some grace and give myself a pass. And today for today's episode. What I'm doing is re-releasing my, my own presentation from the summit that just happened. The self-advocacy made easy summit, and I'm going to release that. Um, I, I really enjoyed the presentation.
If I do say so myself. Laughing at myself here a little bit. Um, But also just, just to make something a little easy for me, this, this weekend, as I'm doing the recording. And then we'll come back at you next week with some fresh recordings. But for today, I'm giving myself that grace because I am a bit tired and you know, it's okay. And I think.
The more important thing is - and I say this with all the coaching I do with the groups I run the coaching I do. And if you catch the, if you caught the podcast episode where I talk about energy leadership, or if you've seen any of my trainings on energy leadership, there is no good or bad way of showing up.
There's no right or wrong. The thing is to be conscious about it and to deliberately choose. And, and so I'm, I'm okay with that. I'm in a place where it's, I am tired today. It's okay. That I, that I'm going to rerelease instead of making fresh content. I know that you'll forgive me and we're going to come back with some really good fresh content.
So with that. Um, this episode is about the three surprising myths for sensitive professionals to advance in their careers. So I want you to have a listen. If you did miss the summit, I have some also have some really good news. I've set it now to what's called evergreen, which means it's always available. You can always register what happens now because the summit has passed. You will, instead of having access during specific days, you're going to get, I believe it's a 48 hours access. So you get two days of access to listen. You can always choose to upgrade and get lifetime access to all the recordings, but you don't have to because you will get free access. So if you do want to go catch all of the recordings, please head on over.
That's the mintambition.com/summit. You can check it out. And the one piece I will say about this presentation. I do talk about a scholarship to my program, the group program I run. The, the scholarship part has passed, but the program is still available. So if you're curious about enrolling, you want to learn more.
Just reach out. I'm doing enrollment calls. So these are no obligation calls where we can hop on a call and chat to see about whether it's a good fit for So head on over to my website and you can check that out. That is the mint ambition.com/pps the powerful presence society. Okay with that, please enjoy the presentation. And I will promise I'm going to be back at you with fresh new content next
Have a great one Well, hello there and welcome to the presentation. If you don't recognize me by now, let me introduce myself again. I am Liz St. Jean and I am the host of this summit, the mint ambition summit. And we are talking about self advocacy made easy. So this summit is all about the highly sensitive professional who's dreaming of rising to that director level, role and thriving once you're there.
So raise your hand mentally, or maybe even physically to get your body moving. Raise your hand if you are an individual contributor right now, maybe you're a project manager and you have this dream. You're you're thinking I would love to lead a unit at that director level role.
Okay. Raise your hand. If that's you and raise your hand if you are a manager, maybe you're a frontline supervisor or you're a middle manager and you're thinking I'm enjoying this. This is great. And I'm gonna move up. I'm going to move to that director level role. And thirdly, raise your hand. If you are here and you are in a director level role, or maybe even higher whichever level that you are in right now, know that you are welcome. It is wonderful to have you here. I'm so thrilled that you came to the summit and you're here with us today. So with that said, let's move into this presentation. So this presentation is the three surprising myths about self-advocacy for sensitive professionals and the simple mindset shifts to be able to confidently speak up for yourself.
Now to do this presentation justice, I want to bring in a character, someone you may or may not recognize depending on what shows you like to wa to watch in the early two thousands. But for me in the early two thousands, I was a huge office fan. I loved the office. So do you love the office as well? Raise your hand again.
Raise your hand. And I know that in the office, every character has their flavor, right?
They all have their, their, their nuances, how they show up and their words and their language. And one stands out a lot for a lot of people. Which is Dwight, right? We all love Dwight. So one of my favorite Dwight isms is when he says false, right? Can everyone imagine that if you've seen it, if you haven't, maybe you even need to just imagine that there is someone the very serious face who hears something that they disagree with and they say false.
So I think the Dwightisms are very fun... so false. And the reason I tell you that is because.
This presentation is about false myths. So I'm going to be giving my best Dwight impression of false and then I'll probably start laughing, just like I did. So what we're going to do in this presentation, I'm going to go over three surprising myths and then I'm going to tell you why it's false and I'm going to give you a mindset shift, a little tweak to shift your mindset. That's going to help you show up more powerfully. You're gonna be able to show up with that more powerful energy and more powerful presence. In a good way in a way that feels good, not in a dominant way, which as a segue, we're gonna talk about in a second, not in that dominant way, just powerful inside.
This is wonder woman, power wonder woman, powerful. Which of course makes sense because as you may know, already, my signature program is called the powerful presence society. Which as an aside, if you haven't seen, I am giving away a full scholarship to the program at the end of the summit. So make sure you sign up for that scholarship and get a chance to win.
Now, if anything in this presentation is intriguing to you or interesting, you're learning something and you want to go further. Sign up for the masterclass. On Wednesday, there is a live masterclass, where I go into even more detail on a few of the pieces I touch on here today.
And I give you even more and we are gonna be talking about going from second guessing, which I know a lot of us do a lot of us sensitives because I'm highly sensitive myself. I know how it is when we kind get in our heads and we feel we question ourselves. And honestly, it's because you can see so much, you can see impact on people.
You can see the future possibilities and you want to see the future. That's why we're second guessing ourselves. There's nothing wrong. Nothing has gone wrong. There's nothing bad about it. What I'm going to do in the masterclass is show you how to take what's naturally causing that, harness it and turn it into self-advocacy and make you feel really good, really natural self advocating, coming at it from a really authentic place. And I'm gonna show you some again, some simple mindset shifts that you can make. And I'm going to show you ways of showing up of showing up in a really natural, comfortable way where you also feel powerful, right? Because they want that wonder woman power.
Right? Cause everyone can come with me again. Take your hands, put your hands on your hips. Sit back. If you're able to even stand if you want. We're gonna put our hands on our hips, shoulders, back, chin out and up and that confident, powerful presence. That's what I want for you. Okay. So let's get into these myths.
So the first one, the first myth, and I hear this a lot and I think even if we know it's a myth, we still kind of get sucked into it. And that's this idea that we need to be aggressive and dominant in order to be visible. In order to be seen. In order to be seen as leaders as the natural person to be taking charge. Right. Take charge has that connotation of being dominant, being aggressive, being right in there.
And this happens because the, the world, human society has adapted to that. We, there is a narrative. There is this built in cultural, ingrained cultural belief that take charge, assertive, aggressive, dominant personalities are leaders. So there's nothing wrong that that's, that that's a natural way of thinking that that's been coming to mind for you.
That said it is a myth. Okay. All of the. All of the research around leadership and strong leaders, strong leadership, like the actual data behind it. I promise you that data shows that you do not need to be dominant.
You do not need to be aggressive. You do not need to have that abrasive personality you do not need to need to be dominant and you can be, you can be direct and you can be dominant.
So that's the false. Dwight false, the false you do not need to be dominant. You do not need to be as, uh, aggressive. The shift I want you to make is that you do need to be more of you. You do need to be more of yourself, of you, you know, showing up as yourself, not retreating away. Showing up as yourself.
You wanna be more of that. And I'm going to give you an example. So one client I worked with, she was, um, she was a trial lawyer and she was very good at being a trial lawyer because showing up a assertively is also a skill, which is different than having a dominant or direct personality, right. You can show up a assertively as our skill.
So she's very good, very direct in the, in the courtroom, when she was going back to her Practice, though, she was getting feedback from her senior partners that they needed her to be louder. She was not louder enough. Like. Like literally not loud enough that she had to have more volume in her voice.
So she came to me, they, they gave, they told her, go see a coach, go work with a coach, be become more, become louder.
You might have experienced this before. You were getting feedback from a supervisor, from a peer, from a parent or a spouse from anyone you're getting feedback. And they often end up focusing on what you should do because they're coming from their lens. In this case for my client, the senior partners felt that you should be louder.
There was sort of sub tone of being more dominant, being more aggressive. So you should be louder. So they're telling her what to do differently, but really what we want to focus on is the accomplishment. What's the end result. They thought that by being louder, She would show up more as a leader and be seen more as a leader, but we peeled back.
So we said, does she agree? She's like, I want, I do want to be seen as a leader. I do want to move up. I do wanna have that, um, impact. I want to show up confidently at meetings and assert my opinion. And what we did, you know, there's a couple of things. One, she actually went and got one of those decibel meters, or I think it was an app on her phone, got a decibel meter and measured how her voice and how it sounded.
And it was perfectly normal, like falling within the norm. What's considered a normal range of human volume. So first of all, That I'm thinking of the Dwight false. So first of all, their feedback was false. It was false feedback because she wasn't actually quiet. So that was first of all. And then second of all, is we really dug into what made her powerful.
How did she show up powerful as a sensitive professional and what she embraced. And she really, you know, stepped into to quote Elsa step into your power. What she stepped into was being quiet. Being a listener, right? She was a fantastic listener in the workplace. So she started showing up instead of retreating back away from quiet, because that's what the feedback would've told her to do.
Right. Stop being so quiet, be louder. She leaned into it. And what she was telling me, I checked in with her six months after working together. Is that when we started working together, she felt confident in meeting rooms about 50% of the time. So it wasn't like she had zero confidence and most people watching this, I bet you're like that too. Right? You're not here because you have 0% confidence. It's just that you want to feel more confident or you wanna feel more confident, more often. So in this case, she went from feeling confident about 50% of the time she was feeling confident to after we were working together and after, you know, six months later she'd really been practicing this. She was feeling confident, pretty much a hundred percent of the time. She felt good. She felt she was very confident in meetings. Sometimes she'd be in a meeting and only say a couple of words and that's all she needed to say. And she was showing up with that quiet confidence and that got her noticed.
Okay, so myth one, you gotta be assertive and you gotta be aggressive and you gotta be loud. false, Dwight Schrute. Imagine false. That is false. No, instead you wanna show up more of yourself. Okay. Show up with more of you. That's exactly what we do in my program. So definitely get into the scholarship. So you get a chance to win that, that, uh, full scholarship and definitely come to the masterclass.
We dig more into this as well in the masterclass. Okay.
Number two number two false myth is that our work speaks for itself and that will be considered for opportunities and promotions without saying a word. So to quote Dwight. False that is actually false. And if you're watching this, you probably already know this, even at an instinctual level or instinctive level, you probably know this, but I really wanna draw it out because it is a trap. We kind of like, we, it's almost like quick sand. We don't really notice we're in it. And then all of a sudden we get sucked down into it. And then we feel really frustrated to not be considered for an opportunity, not be considered for a promotion. And, and we, we might even, we might even say to ourselves, we might complain.
We might complain to our friends, to our work spouses, to other people, but like, well, I do great work. How am I not getting noticed? Like my work should speak for itself. So false. The truth is, and the mindset shift is that it is actually our jobs to speak for ourselves to speak for our work.
And I know, you know, this, I won't touch on this for too long because you're here, you know, this, you know how important it is to self advocate, to speak for your work, to speak for your career and, and to speak for your teams too. Although if I know you, if you're like anything like my clients, you do speak for your teams.
And that's why you're here too, is because you, you know, instinctively, um, intuitively that you need to speak up more for yourself.
So I had another client who came to work with me and, uh, we worked on those sleepless, imposter thought nights, if you've ever had those where you just couldn't fall asleep, or maybe even wake up in the middle of the night where just rolling through your head, worried about, um, how you're being seen.
One phrase I've heard, I've actually heard this multiple times, like literally almost the same phrase from multiple clients about, you know, you just, you almost like daydream version of a night of a nightmare, worrying that is this the day that they call me up and they tell me.
Oh, there was a mistake. There was a mistake in the hiring process. It, it wasn't actually supposed to be you. Right. And it's almost like, you know, we have those dreams where we, we realized we didn't study for the test, but this is like happening during daytime, or we wake up at night and we have those insomnia nights.
Right. If you ever had that. First of all. I want you to know that you're not alone. Okay. I, and I know it's, it's hard to experience, but I do want you to know that you're not alone. And this is actually one of the reasons why in my program, I do a group experience because for a lot of people, it is so empowering to realize that you're not alone, that we're not alone, that others have these thoughts. Others with all kinds of personalities and backgrounds and experiences in their life have similar thoughts because it can be so lonely to feel like we're the only ones, you know, second guessing or worrying or having this like ridiculous image that we're going to like be fired or told that we don't belong, that it was a mistake. Right. And we know that it's a ridiculous idea, right? Like I said, I'm highly sensitive myself. So I have a hundred percent been there as well. And even though we know it's ridiculous, we still have it.
So because we have those those imposter insomnia nights, because we have those imposter thoughts. Those are the thoughts that end up stopping us. It's almost like it's like a brick wall that stop us from telling people what it is we want what we're going for, what we're dreaming of, because we're already having.
Thoughts that we don't actually belong. That it's only a matter of time before they figure it out. That we're a total fraud. We're having all those thoughts. So if you feel terrified about that idea of telling someone your dream, you are a hundred percent not alone.
That's why I did a summit like this for sensitive professionals, because it is so, so common. Okay. So in this case, my client who is having these imposter nights, having these daydreams of being told that she did not belong, she was not meant for, for that position. She was not doing a good job. She went through my program, we worked on all of this and the mindset shift she had and what I want you to try on and to work on is that she does belong and that she is going to share her dream with others. And she didn't do it. You know, everyone right away, you know, big billboard sign saying, I wanna get to a director, but she did tell one person. And then she told another person and then she told another person and you know what?
This is what she's telling me, that her friend or her, her, her work colleague looked at her like there were horns coming out of her head and said, well, duh, like, of course I, I mean, I should hope you would wanna get to Director because you're amazing.
You should be director. Like you have to get to that level. And so it did two things for her, for my client. One is that it completely shifted how she saw how others saw her, which was very helpful in getting to a place where she really believed that she belonged and she believed she deserved to move up.
But also did a second thing, which was that within a few months, She was invited to get it, to go into a Director level position. She didn't have to go through interview process resumes, anything else?
They, they, she just became visible. And because here's the thing, remember I said her first, her first person, she told, and that was one of her good work friends said, well, of course you should. Duh, obviously. And her friends think that your friends do think that and people think. The challenge is the decision makers are often not our best friends, so they're not having those thoughts right away.
The decision makers are a little bit further out. If you can see what I'm doing here, it's like your decision, your, your work friends, excuse me, are right here. Decision makers are one ring out and when you remind them or put it on their radar, that you wanna move up, then they're going to have the well done.
Obviously. You're great. But we need to trigger them into thinking that we need to help them because they've got so much going on. Right. Most people don't think a lot about other people, be honest with you. Most humans think about themselves. We're very self-absorbed beings. And so the decision makers, the ones who are making promotions and moving people around and thinking about the business and where people should be. They're, they're not thinking about us, there's nothing wrong with it. It's not like there's anything bad about us. They're also not thinking about the person to our left or the person to our right.
Okay. They're thinking about what's right in front of them, especially if you are in a high stress environment where there's a lot happening. Right. And coming out of the pandemic, if you're like any other workplace, it is, it has been very highly stressful. So they're kind of zoomed in narrowed in only thinking about the next step in front of them.
So it is your job to put yourself on that radar so that you can be invited to a position or to an opportunity, or even just be thought of, to be encouraged to go for it. Because depending on your workplace, you may have to go through several hoops to be promoted. But in other cases, like in the case of my client, I just told you about, that you can be plucked and you can be appointed and you, and you may have seen this, right. And you may have had this frustration where you've seen people just be plucked and be appointed. And that's where that myth comes and that frustration of so that you think, well, doesn't my work speak for itself.
False according to Dwight, right? False. Our work does not speak for ourselves. We, we to speak for ourselves. Okay. So that's number two that I want you to work on. All right.
Number three number three, myth that I see is the, the idea or the concept that if I become better at my job, then I will be noticed and then I'll get a promotion.
Okay. So if you're a middle manager, this one might have tripped you up in the past and might still be. Because we think to ourselves and it, it's kind of a variation of the, of the, um, second myth might think, well, I'm great at leading a team. Why wouldn't I be considered for the next level? So according to Dwight false, right, that's false.
And the reason it's false is because as you move into different levels in an organization, different roles, the work changes. Okay. And, and I know in a lot of cases, we don't love that idea of it being hierarchical. So I don't want you to think of it as a hierarchy in the sense of one's better than the other, or one's higher up.
I want you to think of it though, in terms of a, of a hierarchy, because as you go higher, higher in the organization, You are working on broader issues and, and deeper issues, right? When you're an individual contributor, you're working on whatever it is, you are like your version of a widget, right? Most of us are in the knowledge economy now.
So your version of a widget is probably some kind of report. Um, like my client, who is a trial lawyer, it's going to going to. Going to court, those sorts of things like what is, whatever it is you are working on that is producing value for your organization, your, your widget.
So at the individual contributor level, you're working on widgets, right? Project managers. Cross-functional leaders. They sit sort of in between because they are trying to kind of galvanize bring together multiple widget makers. But you're not formally in charge of anyone, but it is similar to being a frontline supervisor.
Right. You're organizing people, bringing them together. So when you become a frontline supervisor, especially though you've got a group of widget makers. Most of the time, you're not making widgets anymore. Ask little asterisks on that for, for some organizations, especially if you're really tight for, for people.
You don't have a lot, you may be a hands on supervisor, so you are also making widgets. But your primary role, your primary job is to, is to help your team make widgets. Okay. Almost like picture yourself at a table, like standing beside a table and you're at the table or the people making widgets, or like maybe like, imagine like a little Lego.
I I've got a five year old, so we always have a Lego around always stepping on it. So imagine like everyone on the table is making little Lego widgets. Your job as a supervisor is to support those people in making widgets, figure out, okay, what's getting in the way, what new pieces, if this Lego, what other pieces do they need for their Lego bits?
And also if you're a very good supervisor, you're also coaching them and helping them with their career, understanding what they wanna do with their careers. How can you support them, all those pieces. But for the most part, you're not really focused on making widgets. Right? So think about this as a widget maker.
Being a great widget maker doesn't necessarily make you a great frontline supervisor, right? It might help. Okay. Especially frontline, if you're frontline supervisor. Yes. If you know how, um, like what are the common problems with widgets and common problems with Legos? Yes. That might be helpful for some elements of supervising, but that's not going to help you coach people.
That's not. That's not necessarily, what's gonna help you create a team dynamic and that's not, what's necessarily gonna help you with some of the policy pieces and creating a great team. So that's why, if I'm great at my level, making widgets doesn't necessarily mean someone else is gonna see me as being a great team supervisor.
And it goes the same at every level, right? From team supervisor, I'm helping a team making their widgets. The next level up is I am helping the team leaders who are helping the people making widgets at their table. So me as a team, as a frontline supervisor, helping people be good at making widgets is not the same skillset is not the same as the next person, um, up who is looking at multiple tables at and working mostly with the direct supervisors, right.
That person's job, a lot of their work is now figuring out okay. Um, figuring out some vision pieces, there's a bit more vision pieces. How does it fit into the organization? What do, what support do my frontline supervisors need, which is a different kind of support than what individual contributors need.
Somewhat similar because there are dynamics that are true for all humans, whatever, whatever you're doing in an organization, but in terms of skill, right, your frontline supervisor is helping the skill development of an individual contributor versus a middle manager, that next level up is helping the supervisor become better at supervising.
Okay. And then at director level above that now at the director level, you are looking at multiple managers who each have multiple supervisors who each have a team of widget makers. Right? So that's what I mean about getting higher up, because it's not about being better or being higher, but you are seeing broader. Individual contributors, probably looking at I'm looking at my one widget here. And that's what I'm focused on. Making a really great widget. At the director level, you're looking out broader at that point. You're thinking bigger picture, longer term horizon. So it's not the same, not the same skills and it looks different.
So if you're an organization that really understands that, either overtly or just intuitively, like they just intuitively understand that they need people who are ready for the next level. That means that being better at your, at your job is not, what's going to get you noticed.
You want to position yourself as showing that you're ready for the next level. Not that you're really good at your current level. Okay. If you're really good at your current level, most likely you'll get maybe short term opportunities. Maybe. More likely is you might get moved laterally because they see that you're really good.
You might be very good at building up a team or very good at leading several teams at like a middle manager. Well, you wanna show that you are ready for the next level up. And the simplest way to do this very simple and authentic is practicing your ability to solve next level problems. Okay. Next level problems.
Now I go into a lot more detail in the masterclass. So get registered. If you wanna learn more about this, I'll just touch on it quickly here. What next level problems are? They're the problems that don't belong to you. They either belong to your boss or they, they go across levels and they don't actually belong to anyone except maybe HR.
Right. So think about your boss. What are the problems on her plate or on his plate or on their plate? What are those problems? How can you help solve those. What that's gonna do, it's gonna help free up that, that your boss to help solve their next level problems. And it's gonna show you, you're gonna be showing up in a very different way.
You're gonna be seen through a very different lens. I'll give you my third example. My third story had a client who was interestingly enough, very dominant, very extroverted, and did not have problems speaking up for her work. Right? So those first two myths. She wasn't subject to those. She had no problem with those.
The third one though, is that the kind of work she was speaking up about was her current level work. So she was very well known for her current level work, but she wasn't necessarily seen as someone who had that rising potential. Then she started solving next level problems.
And when she started doing that. She started getting noticed. That's when she started getting special opportunities, she was getting more face time with her senior executives and on different issues. So before, she was at that more individual contributor, a bit of a project manager level. She got FaceTime and she spoke up and she was well known, but she was really well known for her subject matter expertise.
So if you're a SME, if you're a subject matter expert, raise your hand. If you're a SME. This is the trap that you might end up running into being very good at your level. And being known, being really well known, really respected, uh, well liked. And you may even have meetings with your senior executives or senior management.
But you're not necessarily being seen as that next level potential as that next level problem solver. So that is a simple tweak to do for that myth is to start solving next level problems. And like I mentioned, I really, I go into that more in my masterclass .
So make sure you register. The button to register is right here on this page so I can see you there.
Okay. So with that, thank you so much for being here with me today and thank you for being at the summit. I hope you're enjoying yourself as much as I am. It is a pleasure to have you here. It is so wonderful to have you here and I can't wait to see you at the masterclass. bye-bye.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If this podcast helped you or inspired you in any way, I would love for you to leave me a review over on apple podcasts, it takes 20 seconds, if that, and it's, it's honestly the easiest way for you to thank me for this episode. Every time I see a review, it brings me so much joy and it just lights me up.
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Thanks again. And now get out there and start breaking some rules.